Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The unbearable vomiting of teens

I always have a bit of vomiting in my books, thanks to Teen1. She has impressive vomiting tendencies. So because of her, Confessions of a Virgin Loser also got a good chundering.

There was the time four years ago when Teen1 hit the Hawaiian pizza too hard. The next morning I had her on her hands and knees scraping bits of pineapple and mushroom off the bedroom carpet with an egg lifter. (You have to give your daughters something to talk to their shrinks about)

This vomiting incident made it onto page one of The Summer of Toffie and Grummer. The first line, in fact. I am grateful to Teen1 for the inspiration.

Then there was the time, a few years later when Teen1 mistook the Alco-pops for fruit juice (yeah right!) at a friend’s coming of age party. She upchucked on the back seat of her friend’s mom’s brand new car, claiming a toxic prawn allergy.

The car was so brand new it had only left the shop the day before. On this occasion it was left to Teen1’s dad to apply the egg lifter to the back seat of the car. Teen1 paid for the professional cleaning service.

This incident made it into Pops and The Nearly Dead when poor Regina Versagel marinated the back seat of her mom’s brand new car with a cocktail of Gluhwein and punch after the Christmas Carol evening. I included this in the final edit. It was irresistible.

Frank’s vomiting incident in Chapter Seven is the combo of the toxic prawn incident (as it is called in the family lore) and the 2010 incident. This incident (also legendary) occurred when Teen1 once again mistook wine for water and christened the outside of one of her few remaining friend’s father’s car – the night before the start of the Soccer World Cup.

There was a lot of family fun that day at Soccer City. Thanks Teen1 for a memorable day.

After every alcohol/toxic prawn vomiting incident I have freaked out and proved to be even more useless than I usually am.

Telling my daughter - “you’re grounded for under-age drinking” is as stupid as saying - “you can booze binge and vomit your guts out over everyone's cars when you come of age."

But I say this, every time, and Teen1 gets grounded. And I still don't have any answers.

Hey Booze Boys, don't be selling hard liquor to my girls. 


  1. Bwahahaha love it. A great friend of mine is a superb vomiter, we have been known to call her vom girl on occassion. So funny edyth. X

  2. Sis man. Why does your Teen 1 do so much vomiting? Maybe the girl has a sickness ... Hey, have you seen 'Gap yah' on Youtube? Lots of chundering on there. Hilarious
    xx Thecla

  3. Vom Girl - I'll pass it by Teen1 and see how she takes it. Thanks Paige.

    Thecla, Teen1 has a very sensitive tummy. She's not sick most days! Just been to check out Gap yah. It's great!